[x]

My Invisible Life

Chest piercing
Pulse bounding
Barely breathing

I'm praying
On the surface of anxiety

I'm weeping
Getting used to this melancholy
-
They said...
They said...
They said...
They'd always be here to help

But instead...
But instead...
But instead...
I've always only had myself

I regret...
I regret...
I regret...
Opening the gates to this hell

It spreads...
It spreads...
It spreads...
And the screams are revealed

Tears shed...
Tears shed...
Tears shed...
I let my sorrow and resolve meld
-
Sight fading
Body numbing
Emotions withering

My desires are overtaken
I know this isn't right

But my lies weren't convincing
So this wi

A Dying Rainbow

A Dying Rainbow

I'm always told that I'm such a wonderful person
And that I'm thoughtful, caring, kindhearted, and so important
But they don't see what's behind closed doors, the constant clashes with torment
Damage goes unseen as I blanket everything with cold smiles that seem slightly burdened

My tears quake while they hide behind my blackened shades
My hands tremble because I'm holding onto so much of this hate
My body is painted nonchalant so I have to appear in an emotionless state
My blood system is clogged with suicidal thoughts that make me want to break

I've been like this far too long
I wish I died before this had begun
S

Behind Hollowed Eyes

Behind Hollowed Eyes

Day after day
I tried continuing on to live this way

With damaged veins made of concrete
I am the undone suicide that was kept a secret

But I can no longer exist
Inside of this pretentious skin

There is a past that I wish I didn't remember
There is a future that just looks too painful

There is nothing you can say or do that'll help
Because there is no turning back now
-
I drag everything down with my endless lies
I smother the remnants of hope until it dies
I win the battles, I win the wars, and I win every fight

I am a maelstrom of deceit
I am a darkness that you cannot defeat
I am the awaiting fate of this pathet

Shade Of Blue

Shade Of Blue

From a deep slumber...
I have awoken
To this cruel color...
That leaves me haunted

My eyes scream
As I opened the door to my soul
Those thoughts of you start to bleed
Reminding me that you're just a person I used to know
-
A dark ocean blue that I once knew
Leaked through my window
It matched this mood
Amplifying the sorrow

Sparking negative energy
It's the secret source of my core
The only element allowing me-
To survive another day, once more

Without a care
I can endure
Without a prayer
I push forward

So let this hue shower
With extreme hatred
Force the nostalgia to devour
And let my heart remain powerless
-
Wishing I was

No More Therapy

No More Therapy

Nothing works anymore
I knew it all along; the end is near
I've said it once and I've said it before
I was never meant to exist; I was not meant to be here

Hated by all / See me fall
Loved by none / Heart is numb
Rejected by life / Fallen from strife
From this- I've become / After this- I'm done

Through this blame
Is the choice
Of my decision

Hear the pain
In my voice
I am suffering
-
I no longer could drown out the sounds
Swallowed from within
I was surrounded by an internal doubt
Regretting everything

Remember the days
Relive the nights
Of my shame
In my mind

Growing up in society
I got lost
Being raised with hypocrisy

Nightmare: The Only Cure

Nightmare: The Only Cure

My insides burn-

Like swallowing acid

Reality slows down-

Smiling is therapeutic
-
Health is a virtue / Strength is torture
Alive again tomorrow / Enduring the horror

It's excruciating
To keep on breathing

Every reflection
Mirrors are left sickened

Grinning back at myself
You must be enjoying this hell

Perfect possession / Muffled suffocation
Heart is racing / Sight is darkening

In these hallucinations
My skin is melting

Oh how I wish I was dreaming
Of when I finally start recovering

It's only hopeful thinking
A cure for me is a delusion

Quarantined tears / Reality's nightmare
I am beyond repair / All were

Dreaming Of Tears

Dreaming Of Tears

Weary-eyed
Weakened to the very core
Traumatized
I can't endure this anymore

I'm going to black out
And be transported to a realm
Where my screams don't make a sound
Hate keeps me bound while I leave my fears to drown
-
I loath the days without rest
I despise the nights of endless stress

Though I can't settle for anything less
Because lower than this is death

It's like living and sleeping within tortuous realities
Even though I'm unconscious- there is no such thing as rest for me

No one knows how powerful my dreams can be
No one knows all of the graphic images I've seen

Dive into the ocean! / Swim through the thorns!
L

Breaking Out Tonight

Breaking Out Tonight

Your name is despair
And you demand that I live in fear

I gave you everything that you have ever asked
But I never got anything in return for any of that
Although you still managed to continually stab me in the back

Your name is remorse
And you wish for me abide by a damaging oath

Nothing but puppet, as I was used as your scapegoat
Sinister strings guided me to cast aside all forms of hope
We considered each other friends, because you were all I used to know

Your name is sorrow
And you want me to never again see tomorrow

I am your undying sacrifice, the one and only reoccurring offering
Once you had a taste,

My Darkest Hour

My Darkest Hour

I've become lost
In my sundered reflection

I've finally crossed
The line of desperation

I sense something sinister
Something that is beyond cruel

My tears seem to hinder
Ready to break down soon
-
The darkness is always waiting

To rule / To conquer
To swallow / To devour
To return / To overpower

The shadows are always lurking

As I cry / As I weep
As I beg / As I plead
As I fall / As I grieve

The blinding fear is consuming
-
My anxiety-infected veins pour
I'm beyond weak

I don't want to be afraid anymore
Let me bleed

This is the only way out
A perfect exit for a coward

No longer am I bound
I couldn't survive my dark

Dependent

Dependent

It's one of those days
When everything goes wrong
And it hurts you in ways
When it feels like you don't belong

Thinking of the choices you made
What you've done
Questioning if redemption is too late
Can this guilt be overcome?
-
I deserve to remain
Locked within the pain
As my tears are wrapped in chains

And it's all true
What we all go through
Take all of my problems and give 'em to you

Because I cannot
Win back the battles I lost
For I am unable to pay the courage it costs

For those who say
That the past can't be changed
They're right, but the memories won't go away

So lead me astray
Carry all of my burdens

Era Of Silence

Era Of Silence

Cascading glares swim around my whole body
Searching for some kind of flaw that I might have
But they don't realize that my life is the problem entirely
I can hardly keep on hiding all of the imperfections I secretly grasp

Denial is simple / If you say so
Pretending is impossible / I can't let you know

So I no longer speak for myself
No, not anymore
I feel that I deserve this hell
My pure torture
-
I'm just too snared by the knives in my back
No one wanted to accept me for who I really was
That's why I had no choice but to put up this wounded act
But I guess that's what the feeling of losing everybody do

Inner Demons

Inner Demons

Silently peaceful
Praying for the prey

A saint so blissful
Don't let the old scars awake

Chaotically graceful
A storm of rage comes my way

Idle hands yearn to be unfaithful
Even the heavens won't feel safe
-
I am my greatest fear
I am my own worst enemy

The glares I give myself are fierce
I barely hold onto this false harmony

My twisted thoughts flicker / The acts of a sinner
The silence of a confessor / A secret held forever

The madness took over / Becoming hell's harbinger
I am the lawless; I am executioner / This is my will; this is my terror

I hated my own reflection
Knowing the truth behind the lie

I destroyed my o

I'm So Far Away From Hope

I'm So Far Away From Hope

Society told me the world is black and white
I didn't want to believe it
Because I want something more than a narrow minded life
I need something different

Feeling as if I was truly alone in this world
It's hard to keep believing
Feeling as if I no longer could move forward
It's difficult to keep breathing

I'm stuck between the realms of discrimination and belief
I had to lock away my tears in a prison
For I am the only one who can keep my resolve safe
But I'm such a fragile person
-
I knew I couldn't take any of it / I knew everyone is so swift with judgment
I knew I would fall to the hatred / I knew

Rain Of Darkness

Rain Of Darkness

Something inside me broke
The core of my soul snapped
That is when I felt this numbing cold
I blinked, and everything started to fade to black

When you left me alone
I felt this eternal betrayal
When you finally let me go
The pain inside me became unstable

The weight on my shoulders collapsed
While the world I knew faded
As the remorse relapsed
I'm consumed by hatred
-
Thou have forsaken
So the rest shall witness my conviction

My hope was taken
But was replaced by affliction

You knew what would happen
When you took back your salvation

Why am I the one abandoned?
I didn't take -ANYTHING!- for granted

Rev

Crush

Crush

It's my world
These are my shoulders

It's my burden
These are my problems

It's my life
These are the tears I cry

It's my truth
These are my last moments with you
-
When you said those words
My vision got blurry

I know
You're sorry

We couldn't be "us" anymore
It divides me

Double-edged love / I needed you so much
You're all I really got / Without you- I'm lost

When you walked away
I met the ground

I felt a ripping pain
A deafening sound

I won't get up again
This is my place now
-
This is me on my knees
Let me be weak

This is me breaking down
Let me cry out

This is me at my worst
Let me be hurt

This is me cr

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More from ~HollowfiedLife

Those Silent WordsThose Silent Words

Your perfectional, intoxicating presence is always so unpredictable and unnerving
You make me second guess my feelings, because your true intentions seem to be uncertain

I'm trying my very best, with every ounce of self-control I have left, to not say anything
Even though I'm right beside you, acting calm as possible, but on the inside, I'm trembling
Especially when I speak to you, I try to not stutter and act nervous, because my heart is always racing

The second you leave, I already miss you, because it feels like you're so far away
The minute you disappear, I cry my hardest, because it feels like I'll never s

Never And EverafterNever And Everafter

I know, I waited too long, and I can't blame anyone else, it's all on me, it's my own fucking fault
I was just always afraid of the predicted ending that was set, I was just setting myself up to fall

Every second of every minute, every hour of the day, every week in a month, after all of these years
This whole entire time, I've been living in this illusion of you, you have become my love and my fear

I'm breaking down here before you, today, because you need to do what has to be done
You need to reject me, you need to say those words to me, you need to take back your love
Because it was not meant for me, you need to

Always And ForeverAlways And Forever

I'm sorry that it took me this long, but, it's my own fault, I'm still recovering from my damage
I was just always afraid of what you might say, so I had to wait and gather up all of my courage

Every second of every minute, every hour of the day, every week in a month, after all of these years
This whole entire time, I've kept a secret from you, this is one confession you need to carefully hear

I'm finally standing here before you, today, so my desires will no longer remain undone
I need to say this to you now, before it's too late, you will always be my one and only love
During those times when I feel that I can't

Our Apology -Part Three-Our Apology [Part Three]

The few "family" members that showed up, laugh and cheer, as they lower your cheap coffin
The few "friends" that were closest to you, smile and clap, as they start the celebration
[No one will ever miss you, everyone in the crowd just said "finally." and "good riddance."]

Ever since you were born, we're sorry that we always had to live with you that way
We need to apologize for all of the times when we didn't know what to do, or say
[Just look at all the happy faces, we should have made your funeral an official holiday]

We're sorry that we didn't know how to help you, it's just that you were such an annoyance

My Apology -Part Two-My Apology [Part Two]

I've always known that I'd never know what it's really like to be loved by someone
After realizing what I am, and that no one really cares, because of what I have really done
I know now that my pointless, one-sided war could have never been won

From now on, I will try to cover up my arms, and put away my self-inflicting weapons
To conceal my old scars, and blood stained blades, everything about me will be hidden
To keep my words to myself, because I know that cries for help is my infinite ammunition

And for all of the times that I've made you worry and uneasy, I've thought of my self-punishment
I will keep my tea

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Submitted: November 17, 2012
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True Despair

by ~HollowfiedLife, Nov 17, 2012, 2:53:32 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

True Despair

“How the light has darkened.”
“How the strongest have fallen.”

This cloak remains
Unseen by many

A barrier to hide away
Covering up my damaged sanity

I have to act a certain way
And pretend I still have a sense of humanity

But I know it's too late
So there is no restoring me
-
I am both sword and shield
My bane is myself

My wounds will never heal
I am both heaven and hell

I fear my own reflection / I dread my own aggression
I am your ruination / I am your protection

I keep all destruction within / I keep all sympathy distant
I am your nightmare / I am your savior

The gift of infliction
Tells the story of life

The curse of humiliation
Reaps all forms of power and pride
-
“Oh how the human soul can be broken.”
“Oh how the darkness can be overpowering.”

This overwhelming pain
Is what you shall not fear

As I start to break
I hold the thoughts of your love near

I cannot place blame
So I put it in my tears

Death is mine to tame
For it has yet to see my true despair

True Despairby ~HollowfiedLife

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

There is no beginning without end
There cannot be light, when the darkness is within
____________________________________________
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By -

___________________________________________
This poem is written for my project, titled-
"Broken Wings Unbound: I'm Falling Down / I'm Soaring Now"
In volume ten: Ultimatums Unleashed
___________________________________________
"Like" my facebook poetry page if you enjoy my work.
Get access to unreleased demos and more here --> [link]
___________________________________________
Check out my galleries below if you want to read more.
Watch me if you think that you might like my work.

Critique by =NobleQueenOfLothaire Nov 19, 2012, 3:40:09 PM

I like how you describe the cloak as a way to protect yourself from people and them seeing your "broken sanity" the description is really nice here.

I like the next line, "I have to act a certain way, To pretend I still have a sense of humanity." but I do not see how the next line "But I know it's too late, There is no curing me," relates to the line above it. What is there no curing of? the sense of humanity?

"I am both a sword and shield. My Bane is myself."
Instead I would say, "I am the bane of my existence" Or something along those lines.

I like the idea of you bolding the next four line, but why those lines and not others? What makes those lines stand out over others? However I do like how you write it as being good an bad, particularly "I am your nightmare/ I am your savior." I like that.

The last line confused me a bit "Death is mine to tame, for it has yet to see my true despair." Are you saying that death isn't as bad as what you despair?

Overall the poem is written well and it has a nice flow. I like your use of description and wording. However, I think you tend to just put random descriptions together, it doesn't seem like the entire poem fits together because it's hard to relate one stanza to the next.

I did really enjoy it though.

What do you think?

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~FairyRora Nov 23, 2012 Student Writer

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I think my mouth is permanently glued into one big wow.

Anyway, I love this so much. It's desperate, melancholy, and deep. I love this, I love this, I LOVE this! You are a very talented writer!

~HollowfiedLife Nov 26, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

Awww, that means a lot. Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so happy that you enjoyed this one.

~littleman48 Nov 17, 2012

Your work is truly inspired. Your soul is melancholy! Your light and shadow are perfect. I feel your spirit within this piece! Thank you for sharing such beauty. Truly beautiful! Be Blessed! You are a gift from the creator!

~HollowfiedLife Nov 22, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

Thank you for your kind words, it reassures me.
Comments like these really mean a lot! Thank you again, I wish I could say more.

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