Wow, what to touch on first? I think there is definitely no other piece out there like this. Using dark but sincere diction you achieved something poetic (as it should be) and meaningful. Anyone who reads this can tell it has a lot of meaning to you and reflects some inner conflicts. Be proud of your poetry, it's extraordinary. However, let's touch on the transitions. I really liked them, but, you went from rhyming to suddenly separated thoughts. It flows well, fortunately, but could be disastrous in other circumstances. Overall a lovely piece of work!

Going back to what I said about your diction, there is word choice in this piece I myself would probably never be able to utilize. "pretentious skin" was by far one of my favorite phrases, as well as "damaged veins made of concrete". Not only did you create metaphorical imagery but you provided contrast. (In other stanzas as well.) I think juxtaposition can definitely be one of your strongest writing aspects if you continue to write as you are now.

To be honest, I felt that "There is a past that I wish I didn't remember" is a little cliche, but, it does fit the tone and the mood in this poem. Beware of cliches and overused phrases, an example being "darkness consumed my soul" because terms like this have been seen over and over again. But, don't worry, I think the line I said above was the only one that seemed a bit cliche.

The way you use italics and bold to emphasize certain stanzas is extremely creative. I really love the transitions (I know what I said before but let me explain) because they show transitions among different thoughts and they blend together in such a way that gives the whole piece a great flow. The fact that you've revised this shows because it's awfully astounding what you've created. (Be very proud! c

There is such a sense of helplessness and sinking further into some sort of inescapable darkness. It's breathtaking!

"maelstrom of deceit", "pathetic destiny", are just two of the many phrases I simply cannot get over.

I'm trying not to gush and give you some criticism as well, so,
"with broken thoughts of self-hatred" is a good line, but could be bettered with "shattered" or "crushed" to make it a little more intense or effective towards your main idea. Just little changes like that can make a very big difference.

I love the pauses you place in the last two stanzas. These really aid your tone and atmosphere that has already been established.

^^^Be careful with those as well, don't get carried away with pauses and leave your readers confused and discontented!

behind hollow eyes is, in my opinion, a great way to end the piece.

I give this a 10/10, bravo!

I liked the whole idea of this poem, it has a great meaning, and you can tell you worked very hard on this.

This was a good idea to use, and I can feel a lot of emotion which is great.

You did a great job at making this your own, i could tell you was very careful on the words you chose to use and you made sure it flowed, where others would understand it.

This poem had great meaning, and I believe most readers could understand where you was coming from. You did an awesome job, never give up, and keep them coming.